DEFECTIVE EMBODIMENT

BY FATOUMATA GANDEGA | @FANTASYMINA_

My body is the embodiment of my defective misery.
Skin to bone, 
The fight against myself has no clarity.
From one shell to another, I'm trying to feel the void of my existence.
Touching my skin doesn't feel real anymore.
The dysphoric euphoria of my being burns me to the grown.
Is it too late to feel whole again?
Half of me has been stolen away.
They now belong to someone else.
Society has decided against my will who they wanted me to be.
DISABLED.
Look at me.
Look at me in the face. 
Am I the empty shell of an unspoken label?
My being was thrown away :
"Too difficult to handle." 
The coldness surrounded me as I never felt warmness before.
The unknown.
Meant to be destroyed.
Covered by the twilight,
As the dark is my best and worst enemy.
I imagine the grey sky as my blinded eyes will never see my salted tears.
Is it the supreme cost of my reality?
Dear Body, what does it feel to be the embodiment of discrimination?
Have I not given everything?

Our bodies body, down on our knees.
Crushed by the fake sympathies,
Who doesn't seem to help me,
Fear the marginalized communities, as they thrive to survive on their knees,
Drowned by unreachable expectations of the accepted society.
Water is my escape,
Water is my distress.
How I could help,
The pain and the sorrow of being the black sheep who never seems to fit in.
No matter what I try, the fingers pointed at me grow every day.
Our bodies body,
Accept my marginalised body
Look what you’re ashamed to see,
Glows in front of the sea.
In the light shall I stay,
In the light shall I rise.
Walking by the beach,
Every step that I take, gets me closer to my goal.
Like a coin in a wide sea,
I’m looking for an answer.
Can anyone hear me?
Is it you?
The light in the plain dark I am looking for?
By the moonlight,
I’ll bury pain and desires at the bottom of the sea.


Femme,
Soft is your skin,
Sweet is your smile,
What are you doing to me,
I'm pleading you,
No,
Begging you,
Can't I enjoy your company?
Step by step,
I want to reach the sun as you do.
Femme, a powerful being,
What kind of powers do you hold?
Will I be as clever as you are?
Femme,
You are glorified for your strength,
I will do the same but for your patience.
They think they are better than you.
But are they?
The fantasy of their glory,
Will bring them to their own misery?
Correct me if I'm wrong,
Does it not feel like you are tired?
All the hope relies on your shoulder,
Can you even save us all,
When you barely manage to save yourself?
Up in the sky near the sun is your place,
How do you feel being the hostage,
Hostage of evilness, 
Humans would love to spread on you.
Purity was your only sin,
Too supreme to be left alone.
Femme, 
Smile to us one last time,
As our last hope was stained by our greediness.