How Burlesque Helped Me Fall In Love With My Body
The cafe tables of Glad Day, the queer bookstore in the heart of Toronto’s gay village, have been rearranged into a semi-circle facing the wall across from the bar, blank except for three letters cut out of neon yellow construction paper: F A T. The bubbling anticipation of queer joy wraps you up in a hug as you step out of the cold January street, and the audience slips into every crack and crevice, spilling onto the edges of the makeshift stage.
This is “Fat Chance,” the second iteration of Big Booty Burlesque, a new recurring burlesque show that features fat performers. This show is the lovechild of Madame Ode’miin Surprise, the creator of the revolutionary Indigenous burlesque troupe IndigiBabes, and Daddy K AKA Fluffy Soufflé from Fay & Fluffy’s Storytime fame, as well as the creator of Fuck Shit Up, a trans and nonbinary cabaret. Shows produced by either or both of these magnificent humans are always fun, celebratory, a little bit silly, and a little bit naughty.
In a city like Toronto, performance slots can feel like a limited resource and a lot of producers end up with a very cis, white, and thin line-up for their drag and burlesque shows. Watching a revolving door of thin glam queens lip sync to slightly different pop divas can get a little monotonous, which is why I have started seeking out shows with producers that celebrate all different kinds of bodies such as Madame Ode’miin Surprise, Daddy K, and PrettyRiikkii (East King Productions) who produces Kings & Classics. The variety of performers chosen by these creators adds another exciting element to the show, as you are pretty much guaranteed to see something you could’ve never imagined.
If you haven’t been to a burlesque show before, the shock factor of seeing someone get naked in front of you quickly washes away, leaving respect and awe for the creativity of the beautiful humans gracing you with their presence. The intimate nature of burlesque shows invites a more engaged and active role from the audience, and the freedom of consensually cheering with queer desire creates a magical bond between everyone in the room. The unbridled vocalised yearning is reminiscent of live Rocky Horror shows where the crowd screeches and begs for Dr. Frank-N-Furter to finish his sentence, “I see you shiver with antici—”
As much as burlesque shows are a gift for the audience, the power of burlesque allows the performers to reclaim how their bodies are viewed in public spaces. This is especially important for marginalised bodies, which are often belittled, objectified, and fetishized by dominant culture. Through burlesque, artists can use teasing and stripping as a form of agency to honour the eroticism of their bodies on their own terms. As someone who struggles with body image issues, seeing people with similar bodies to mine perform these rituals sparked a desire to claim this power for myself. So, four days after I went to my first Big Booty Burlesque show, I signed up for an 8 week burlesque course held by Studio House Barrie.
I stopped my extracurricular dance career in middle school, but I was well aware of how fatphobia and body-shaming festers in the dance community. With this knowledge and my XXL workout set, I nervously pushed myself to the first class, convinced that the class would be full of petite ballerinas and I would stick out like a sore thumb. However, I should have trusted in the power of burlesque because when I walked into the class I realised that this dance style appeals to every kind of body and the students waiting inside reflected that.
My relief doubled when the instructors of the class openly acknowledged the cruelty towards marginalised bodies in dance spaces and explained how this studio is actively body positive. We were taught that one of the amazing things about burlesque was that it doesn’t strive for the conformity that other dance styles enforce, often to the detriment of the dancers’ physical and mental health. Instead, it celebrates the eroticism of every individual. When learning group numbers, we were encouraged to focus more on stylizing the moves to fit our burlesque “character” as opposed to trying to force our body to do something uncomfortable to mimic someone else. Burlesque is about celebrating difference and what makes YOU sexy—and the best part is that you get to decide what that is.
As much as I enjoyed strutting across the studio every week, I kept pushing the showcase to the back of my mind. I knew I had willingly signed up to strip down to pasties in front of over 100 people, but whenever I thought about it too much I wondered if I could really push myself that far. As I drove over to the studio for the dress rehearsal, my nerves and imposter syndrome from the first class resurfaced.
During the rehearsal, my group mates and I dropped our boas from our chests after a brief hesitation to reveal our red heart pasties and suddenly the room exploded into cheers. The rest of the class had paused practising their own numbers to watch and their encouragement left me a giggling mess. My friend who introduced me to the class later told me that the reveal made her so proud that she teared up—and that my ass looked great. Burlesque celebrates individuality, but it would be nothing without the strong bonds of community that tie these fearless performers together.
Having already gotten over the obstacle of showing my boobs to a room full of people, I was able to spin my anxiety for show day into excitement like Rumpelstiltskin turning straw into gold. I realised that I had no reason to fear the audience because I was the one in charge. I soaked in the shouts and applause from the crowd like a solar panel gathering energy from the sun. It’s hard to feel ashamed about your body when there is a room full of people cheering and giving you money because you’re sexy AF.
Though my relationship with my body is still not a conflict-free marriage, the confidence that this experience has given me both through internal and external validation has rekindled the flame of love between us. The studio head closed the show by remarking that getting on stage and performing burlesque is an unbelievably brave thing to do in a world where people are incredibly nasty and love to tell you how you should look. I felt invincible. If I could get naked in a room full of people, there is nothing that I can’t do.
Before our show, our instructor told us that we were already successful because we were doing something that 90% of the population wishes they could do. She told us that after every show, she gets at least one person coming up to her saying, “I wish I could do what you did.” Like a prophecy, after the show, my sister told me that she wanted to try burlesque and is already looking into classes. Big Booty Burlesque swallowed me into their pyramid scheme of inspiration and confidence, and now I can pass it on in little pieces whenever I perform and accept my body for how sexy it is.
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