Care and Keeping of Your Inner Child
Getting older is something that I’ve been struggling a lot with recently. My fears about time slipping away always seem to crop up when the seasons change, but one thing I have found that really helps is a phenomenon I’ve seen a lot across social media. In the past few years, so much content has popped up about healing, often in the form of therapy and shadow work. Though helpful to countless people, this work can be difficult and brings a lot of pain with it. So it’s been really nice to try out a method of healing that is softer and kinder: indulging your inner child.
The phrase “inner child” is used to describe the connection we have to our younger selves: their memories, their traumas, their personality. As we get older, we all shed different aspects of our younger selves in order to make room for new interests and priorities, only ever regarding the person we once were through the haze of nostalgia or with the sting of missed opportunities. Rina Sawayama sings about this feeling on the track “Phantom” from her second studio album—a prime example of this concept becoming normalized in pop culture.
But maybe the joys of the past aren’t completely inaccessible. More and more, adults today are connecting with their inner child by rediscovering the things they loved in their younger years.
In my case, I have always been a voracious reader. My brothers and I were raised with weekly library trips, and throughout my public school education, it was unusual if I didn’t have at least three books in my bag at any given time. I read quickly and diligently; it was a core tenet of my personality and has informed many of the choices I’ve made as an adult. It’s the reason I fell in love with writing at all. But when I reached university and started working, the double whammy of a heavier educational workload and the horror of working in retail sapped away at the time and energy I used to spend reading. Despite being a speedy reader, it's still a hobby that takes a lot of dedication that adults don’t always have time for. I made new friends, developed new hobbies, and grew up and away from the little girl I had been.
Since learning more about the concept of an inner child, I’ve decided that I’ve been too harsh on little Jay. I’ve been neglecting her, and thus neglecting myself. This year, I’ve been trying to intentionally incorporate reading back into my life, specifically the fantasy and sci-fi books I used to adore. Not only has this made me a happier and more satisfied person, but it’s already making me a better fiction writer and screenwriter. It’s made me curious and imaginative again, as well as encouraged me to join spaces like BookTube (the readers’ community on YouTube).
Diving back into reading has reopened the door to more of the things I once loved. I’ve noticed myself listening to music I used to keep on my iPod Shuffle. Last week, after scouring the Internet, I found a workaround to play an old online Flash game that was an after-school favourite. I cried when the music began and the joy I thought was left in the past came rushing back.
The best way I’ve found to reconceptualize my fear of time slipping away is considering that being far removed enough from my younger self that I can rediscover her is a privilege. Adulthood is hard, but not everyone gets to grow older. Nostalgia is the gift we give ourselves for surviving everything the world has thrown at us so far. It’s a celebration of the person we were and are and will be. So, if the mood strikes, buy a new stuffed animal. Hang up a poster of your favourite superheroes. Eat that sugary cereal your parents wouldn’t let you have, and do it in front of a cartoon. Child-you isn’t gone, and that deserves recognition. They’re still inside you, waiting and hoping for you to give them – and yourself – the love they deserve.
✦